The past month has caught up with me. I was in a not-so-great place this morning, which is not surprising since the past few nights and early mornings I've noticed that it's been harder and harder to open my eyes when waking. The sensation of exhaustion precluding the opening of the eyes is simply awful since we have little trouble keeping our eyes open all day, necessary blinking excluded.
My parents are here, and fixing up "the playhouse". Or, rather, my dad is fixing up the playhouse while my mother plays house with the girls. I called Elena's school yesterday to let them know she wouldn't be in, and checked with my mom as I was dialing. "No," she said matter-of-factly, "She's not going to go at all this week." My mom wants to maximize time with the girls, which is understandable given the distance that usually separates us. And then I realized that Elena would be out of school for two weeks total as we'll be heading east for Neil's wedding soon. Between the intense face to face time (sometime literally as Elena loves to make everyone else's face into a "dancing face" by squeezing their lips or tugging at their cheeks) and wanting Elena to get used to her new classroom, we decided she should go tomorrow.
Back to me. So I was in a rough place this morning, and maybe even yesterday morning as I called my mom before 8 am both days to find out when the HELL she'd be at my house to entertain Elena. I'd like to think that if I didn't have her lined up to come over that I could better mentally prepare myself to spend time with Elena while caring for Nina, but that anticipation of having help makes the time creep by really slowly as my sense of desperation grows.
Mom got here, made me breakfast as I nursed Nina, and then I laid down with Nina for a mini-snooze. Elena took her place around 11:30, and nursed and napped with me until it was time to switch again. Honestly, from 6/6:30 am when Nina woke until I scrambled out of the house just before 1 pm, I felt like there was one child or another attached to my breast. And if they weren't attached to the breast, they were attached to me. I was able to brush my teeth before leaving the house, but didn't get to shower or even wash my face since I thought sleep was best for me given my growing headache and grumpy attitude.
I walked into the same salon that I visited last week--I had left there with sleek and shiny hair and a face that I had made up in the parking lot before my appointment. Today I hurried in 6 minutes late with a snarly pony tail and day-old makeup half-rubbed off my face for a pedicure (yay for unused birthday gifts!). I almost grumbled to myself about the fact that this self-care was annoying and causing me stress since I can never be anywhere on time anymore, and then told myself that it's just like speeding and cursing out other drivers on the way to yoga. A little counterproductive, and certainly unnecessary. So I let my harried appearance go, and didn't even feel obliged to explain myself or my lateness. I stepped out of my light pink comfort zone and got a sparkly dark gray painted on my toes. It looks fabulous. Elena didn't notice them until later tonight when she asked me, "What doing, Mommy? What toes?" That is code for "What are you doing, Mommy? What's that on your toes?"
From the salon, I zipped over to Hillary's for a massage, thankful for the blank check that I had in my wallet after being too ready to pay some bills one day. I was planning to go home to nurse Nina and pick up my checkbook, but with the check and some milk leftover in the fridge, I was actually early for my appointment. My massage was great, and I have to put a plug in for Hillary as she really understands and caters to changes in one's body throughout pregnancy and the postpartum period. She gives a great massage, a fabulous prenatal massage, and has amazingly reasonable rates.
Josh picked up dinner for us, and my mom whisked Elena away to the playhouse for pool time and dinner, leaving Josh and I to eat, drink some port, snuggle, and sleep. I have to say that the latter half of my day was sorely needed--to be touched in a therapeutic and indulgent way as opposed to the touch requisite of motherhood was completely refreshing. And now off to sleep in a bed with just little Nina and me in it... time for some starfishing!
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